Intimate

Intimate 15x21" 

This new painting feels like a door opening. It's that feeling that my brain is moving and there are things happening that I'm not totally aware of yet. Figuring things out.
I often draw figures with no arms or one arm. This started simply because I'm almost always drawing myself, and it's hard to draw the arm you're drawing with. Sometimes I'll switch hands and draw one arm with my off hand, but it feels forced sometimes. It's taken me a long time to be comfortable with the fact that I'm drawing myself and there's no need to hide it. Giving up the arms in this piece feels like an acceptance of my situation. I draw myself because I know what this body feels like, and I connect with it. I draw it because I'm still trying to figure it out.

Thoughts during and after this painting:
I want to try to increase my iodine consumption after researching breast pain(that I've been experiencing for some months now on and off). Apparently lots of people in the US are deficient in iodine, which can lead to a slew of boob issues.. and of course ingesting chemicals like fluoride and chlorine(that the government puts in my drinking water on purpose because someone pays them) can further deplete the iodine in your system. My boobs are a mystery to me. Heavy round overflowing sacs of fat and glands that collect toxins and can make food.. that change with the pull of the moon. Very strange things to understand. They are part of me that I love and want very much to be healthy, but also part of me that feels scary... like it's just a matter of time before something goes wrong. I feel a certain amount of helplessness here. I want to be able to control my environment. I want to know what my body needs and be able to provide it. I live on the planet Earth in a human body, and I can only do the best I can do. That's a hard thing for me to accept sometimes.  Purity is not so attainable in this age of plastic and microwaves and medication and pollution, but I can only do so much for myself.