Fillet

Fillet: in progress

This is the beginning of my latest creepy pregnancy painting. My ex boyfriend's sister just gave birth (or at least had a baby removed) just the other day, and it just really makes me think about how crazy pregnancy is and how weird and meaty our bodies are. It makes me think about little babies growing in between strips of fillet mignon. Raw moving muscle meat. People get to hang out on the inside of other people for a while, and then when they're ripe they get taken out, and the whole thing is amazing and gross and beautiful. It seems very sloppy and real, and I think stuff like that is great. It pulls us into a place that's different than the day to day job society shopping thing(which I also think is fun).

Womb

This is another piece in this realm that I think is about done. It was inspired by my frustrations with birth control. Both idealogically and practically. I don't like that my body has it's own agenda that I'm not involved in, and I don't like that in order to not be a baby-machine, I need to be on medication and change my hormones. I'm also frustrated at how full of rage this hormone-fiddling makes me. Blinding, vein-popping, blood-curdling rage. Sometimes I feel like reaching into my stomach, ripping out all my organs, and eating them. That's the feeling.

line equality

The more I let myself draw the way I like to draw, the more I learn about myself from my drawings. I am pretty fundamentally against erasing, and have only really given into it when I felt embarrassed by something that's really terribly drawn. I love going over every accidental line and every mistake and every wrong path until they're all of equal importance. It seems like the more I make everything uniform, the more interesting things jump out at me. I love going over every line of a drawing without thinking about the actual thing I'm drawing. Then sometimes I go over things until there're dead, but I'm always working on knowing when to stop and what to leave. 

I've been doing a lot of work in my room for the last week or so. My job has been keeping me busy and overwhelmed, but I love it so I can't complain too much. It's interesting to be working in the privacy of my own room again for a bit. I've missed it a little to be honest.

Happy Halloween!